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NA OutretuO Inc. - This Is Probably A Bad Idea

Discussion in 'Seeking Guilds, Circles and Warparties' started by Legerdemain, May 30, 2014.

  1. Legerdemain

    Legerdemain New Cupcake

    Feb 9, 2013
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    The following is an unpaid advertisement for OutretuO Space Inc., a Wildstar guild preparing for its debut. We will be a socially focused guild most likely looking toward the RP/PvE server in order to enjoy our thematic "corporate" structure.

    We'll be doing a little of everything, and trying to foster some of the thick-as-thieves old school style community from the guilds of games long past. If you're looking for a home where the only rule is Don't Be An <REDACTED>, just send PM to Legerdemain, the author of this post and "CEO" of OOSInc.


    You're sitting there in your freezer box, just waiting to be plucked and promptly idolised by the various denizens of Nexus for your freelance justice-dispensing. But wait! You've spent all this time in a warehouse with all of these other fine frozen folk, and you haven't made a single friend. Not one.

    Maybe you're a freak. Maybe no one ever liked you to begin with. Or maybe it's the cryogenic stasis that is making you uninteresting, and this is all a big dumb "thawing dream". Is that a thing? It's probably a thing. You can check with a medic once you're capable of moving.
    Either way, you're going to need some real help, if only because of the almost certain brain damage that you have sustained from the preservation process itself...

    OutretuO Space Inc.
    "This is Probably A Bad Idea."

    Our founder spoke those words in what we remember as a very confident and authoritative tone of voice. Inspired by his pronouncement, we have since tried to make that simple sentence a corporate philosophy. We are both "outre" and "outer" incorporated, owned by investors of whom even we don't know about.

    We're bringing Big Business to Nexus in two ways:
    • We're unconventional. Weird. In a word, outre.
    • We are specifically hiring outsiders!
    More specifically, Exiles. If you've been kicked off your planet for excessive freedom of thought, you're perfect.

    Now let's take a look at what being an employee of OutretuO Space Inc. really means!

    Your social life is over.
    That's right. Once you become an OutretuO employee, you won't need old friends or even family!
    [under penalty of law]

    No paperwork.
    All of those other businesses make you deal with health insurance, vacation days, and even bereavement or pregnancy leave! Not only are they wasting their time, they're wasting yours. Wouldn't it be nice to just walk in to work, sign in the logbook, and get back to some honest murder? Here at OutretuO Space Inc., we won't bother you with any of that rubbish. In fact, you won't even have to sign for a paycheck! How's that for convenience?!

    A Community That Cares.
    When you become a member of our team, people are contractually obligated to be nice to you. But that's not all! You'll be invited to all OutretuO functions, often with only a very modest level of blackmail. Whether we're downsizing our opposition, or just murdering one of the many giant endangered creatures of Nexus, you'll be there to get the same PTSD as our fearless leader's nephew (Nexus Operations Outsourcing CEO) himself!

    Make The Right Decision Here, Pal.
    Whether you're just finding out about OutretuO Space Inc. for the first time, or have already begun the process of receiving your patented OutretuO Space Inc. ExtractochipTM, we hope you've enjoyed this candid look into what your future is going to inevitably entail when we own everything anyway. I should know; I'm not just an employee, I'm also the guy who wrote this. And the founder. And a client.​


    Some content provided by OutretuO Subliminal Messaging & Self Promotion Subsidiary. This isn't something you need to be reading, it's just a bunch of boring legal details that are totally 100% real and not just made up. By joining the guild you agree to supply a severed left toe upon request. All materials used in this advertisement are certified Orange, by the Department Against Nature. The ‘@’ sign is centuries old, and was used in Europe to denote a unit of weight (the “arroba”) equivalent to 25 lbs. Science tells us that because of this fact, e-mail accounts will cause you to gain weight and should be avoided where possible. Sometimes I look wistfully out a glass door with a cup of coffee in my hand while it's raining, just to seem mysterious. I think it's working, because no one can figure out why I'm doing it.

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